Inspiring Mums®

Motherhood & Lifestyle Blog with Heather James & Family

Melbourne Australia


Inspiring Mums®
Motherhood, Lifestyle & Travel Blog
"Where Mums Smile & Shine®"


{ Grief } Forgiveness...


I have made today, the anniversary of my mums death, an annual reminder of 'forgiveness'. Not just forgiving her for taking her life, but for others who have hurt me and forgiving myself for mistakes I've made in life. 

I've not cried, been sad or dwelled on the past today, I've simply tried to reach any fond memory I have in my subconscious to embrace. I've made it my focus to be a fun and 'present' mum to Davey while home with me, we did craft and played silly games (even made a video showing our creations just loading to Inspiring MumsTV now!). I still managed to find something to clean, cleaned the front garden up a little ;) while Davey had some 'me-time'.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you forget and it doesn't excuse the actions and words of others, it stops it from destroying you. 

It's time forgive and let go, move forward and embrace complete happiness and calm.

Sending big love to mum Coril, in Heaven today, with a heart full of forgiveness, love and appreciation of the challenges she faced.

Dandelions are symbolic of positivity, progress and survival.
— @AviaVenefica

Holding onto Hurt...

A short story...

Growing up we moved a lot as dad was a new widower and single parent. He worked hard to keep us together, stay sane, feed us and keep a roof over our heads. As many parents do. We moved a lot because we had to wait many years for government housing. 

By this time, we had had 6 primary schools, this meant adjusting to a new home, school and of course making new friends. When you are always the new kid in school, especially when you stood out in casual clothes instead of a uniform, we were always known as "those kids" or the "poor kids".

So because of this, we were bullied quite a bit. One day, a girl of the same age said something about my mum, so very hurtful that I held onto for 20+ long years.... sad right? Yeah, I know. I was so hurt, every time I repeated the words in my head it was like another invisible scar on my inner child soul. I held onto it so tight it became part of my regular thoughts, especially when I thought of my mum. It really weighed me down from seeing that forgiveness is remedy from all that anguish and hurt. 

Then, a few years ago now, I got a friend request on Facebook from said girl, now woman and mother and I was in shock, I didn't know what to say, I was angry and still of course hurt. So, I shared my memory of what she said to me and she said "and you've carried that for 20 odd years??". She couldn't believe what she had said but more so, how much it hurt for me to carry it for so long in life.

And so, holding onto hurt, I realised, was me hurting myself all these years. I started to let go and forgive her. It became easier as we communicated. She shared her remorse and felt sick that those words ever left her mouth. 

A Happy ending...

You will be very pleased to know there is a happy ending to this story, we have been connected and communicate every week online, seeing and engaging in special moments of each others lives, as friends. I have forgiven her and my sincere hope is that she has forgiven herself in the process. We've moved on, I will never repeat the words in my mind or aloud again (which is why I won't write them either).

Forgiveness gave back a friendship and opened up a new journey for both of us to see the women and mothers we've grown up to be. Kids can be cruel, we all know that, but while we may never forget, forgiveness will help us move on and make peace with not only others but ourselves.

One other thing helped me to forgive, that is, remembering I am a different person to 20 + years ago, it's clear she is too. I am so pleased to have reconnected, let go and moved on I feel lighter and it really is lovely to see the beautiful woman, wife and mother she has become.

 Photo:   Coley Christine

Photo: Coley Christine




The Next Step... Forgiveness

Ok so now you are at the point where you maybe thinking;

"OK Heather, I Want To Forgive And Let Go Of All That 'Shite' I'm Carrying Around With Me, But Where The Heck Do I Start?"

We need to start with YOU!

You need to forgive yourself before you can begin to forgive others! RIGHT!?? 

Step 1...

Grab a notepad, on a fresh page make a small list of the mistakes or actions you've made in life that you find difficult to forgive yourself for. Let's go easy on yourself and keep it to 3 shall we? ;) you ain't THAT bad!

  1. How have they continued to impact your everyday life?
    • Affects your sleep, health, relationships, mood, financial, work etc.
  2. How often do you think of the mistakes or actions?
    • How many times a day, week, month etc.
  3. How do they make you feel?
    • Sad, angry, anxious, depressed, fearful etc.

Step 2...

Tale a closer look at the outcomes as will show a few things:

  1. How it impacts your everyday living.
    • ie. Insomnia
  2. How consumed your mind is.
    • ie. Several times a day
  3. How it makes you feel.
    • ie. Angry

Step 2 gives you the opportunity to identify and close in on what is happening with you, in turn, it will give you the information to start working on them from a forgiveness perspective AND and overall health and wellbeing perspective.

The Results...

From the results, you will be able to identify plausible reasons for your general state of wellbeing or 'un-wellbeing'. 

Are you ready to forgive yourself now? AWESOME! You won't regret it!

Heather's bookshelf: read

You Can Heal Your Life: Special Edition Box Set
5 of 5 stars
Speaks for itself, it's a great book you can keep going back to

This will be the first step in helping you to forgive others or even seek forgiveness from others. Remember, baby steps ok?

  1. Meditation is an enormous benefit to your mindset and physical overall wellbeing.
    • Helps to relieve stress. It activates Rest & Digest part of the nervous system helping with stress management.
    • It diverts your thinking processes, which allows new ideas to be created. Allows more creativity to flow and filters other mental processes during creative tasks.
    • It has been found by Neuroscientists that after only 11 hours of meditation, they had structural changes in the part that monitors self-control and focus. It was also discovered that those who meditate stayed on tasks longer and made less task switches.
    • It has a been proven to have a positive effect on improving stress and anxiety
    • Improvements in your overall relationships, more relaxed as you are more comfortable with yourself.
    • Mindfulness and meditation will help you tap into the subconscious mind and unlock what you have been holding on for so long, this will begin the letting go process. It can be an emotional ride, work with a professional if you'd feel safer to.
  2. A Healthy Lifestyle
    • Make small, gradual improvements to your diet and exercise regime.
    • Increase your social engagements, make connects with those you'd like to resolve with and hopefully the forgiveness will be a natural and evolving process for you.
    • Work on the areas you identified, such as lack of sleep, improve your sleep with meditation, exercise, healthy eating and general relaxation. This will in turn improve how you feel.
  3. Letting go 
    • Letting go and forgiveness doesn't always have to physically include the person you'd like to address. This could be an added stress or emotional trigger that could set you back. Approach with care, slowly and gently with yourself. This is a massive step and could take years for you to get to this point after meditation, lifestyle changes and the rest. I would always seek a healthcare providers expert advice before stepping forward because each challenge is unique and personal.
    • Sometimes it is an internal forgiveness and resolve. There is in some cases no need to utter a word to any other person. Sometimes it's a knowing or a feeling because through the process you have following you will most certainly focus on more positive aspects of life and indeed let go of what it holding you down.
    • It's time to let go.....

** Source: Headspace

Recommended Reading...

This book "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay will help you on your journey and help to clarify some of the wellbeing points I've made above. 

Please know that I am not a medical professional in any way, I speak from my own personal experiences and I encourage everyone to seek the appropriate medical advice before commencing any new wellbeing process, particularly with mindset. In fact, it would be highly beneficial for you to see a qualified and registered GP, Psychologist, Counsellor or alternative healthcare professional such as a Kinesiologist.

Please do not start, stop or change any medical treatment currently in progress unless authorised and discussed with your treating professional. 

I am soooo HAPPY you have read this blog post to help you take that next step to a healthier, happier and forgiving life.

Chin Up, Tits Out Sistas!

xx Heather

PS: I'd LOOOOVE to know how you go with your forgiveness process, please stop by and comment below, I'd love to hear a success story like mine!

If you liked this inspiring blog post, you may also like these: