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{ Family } Why Alcohol and Families Are A Recipe For Disaster!

Why Alcohol and Families Are A Recipe For Disaster!

Hi, thanks so much for your patience while I get this post to you, I know you have been waiting and I really appreciate it :)

So, as you may have seen already, I posted this status update on Facebook this morning and I want to explain what it was about. More so however, I wanted to share this with you to help you and your family when it comes to alcohol in the home. I think it is an important topic to discuss...

Post Preface...

Please let me preface this post by saying what this post is NOT about (just so we are all on the same page here!):

  • It's NOT about Husband bashing, he's tha'man even if I could ring is bloody neck some days! I'm sure he feels the same at times!
  • It's NOT about Anti-alcohol, I love a vino myself at times! It's about "Moderation and Responsibility"
  • It's NOT about saying EVERY family has issues when it comes to alcohol.
  • It's NOT about being PERFECT, whatever that is!
  • It's NOT about JUDGEMENT of ANYONE including my Hubby or anyone.
  • It's NOT about DOMESTIC VIOLENCE in anyway.

Now that we have that out of the way, let's get on with the story... here goes... *deeeeep breath* I'm being very vulnerable here to please bare with me.

When Alcohol Changed A Good Man Mad...

Ok, so Hubby got a promotion over Christmas and on Friday last week he finished up at the office he has been working at for years in an acting management role. He is very well liked, I don't think he realised that until his last day when the cash collection for gifts exceeded $300 or so! 

  • 18 Year Old bottle of Chivers Regal
  • Bottle of Red
  • Bottle of White
  • Queens Park Rangers Authentic Football Jersey
  • And a card signed by the team, many saying he has been the best boss they'd ever had.

Heartwarming and great right? Yep!

He is now on 2 weeks holiday so last night we were home altogether, no special occasion other than his promotion at home. A normal evening, no issues or anything to report.

4:30pmish

I noticed in the late afternoon he opened a stubby of VB. Done.

5:30pm

Then the gift bottle of white wine was opened around dinner time. Bottle finished on his own...

Alarm bells for me... or my gut instinct saying be prepared?

7:30pm

Then the gift bottle of red was opened by about 7:30pm (I am guessing I don't watch his every single move I'm not that scary! LOL)

9:30pmish

By the time my daughter went to bed it was about 9:30pm (a late one for her as it was the weekend we relax a little). He said goodnight but didn't get up to kiss her in bed.. me disappointed in that as it's our usual routine.

He'd been watching the tennis, he likes sport a lot. I am not one for TV much, sometimes I watch, most times I don't.

I go back out to see if he's going to bed and I go to turn off the Playstation... ok, with my toe as it is on the floor... I gently tap it off, I never force it. I asked if he wanted the PS off he said:

"with your finger, yes" 

Then we got into a discussion about it freezing and he was saying it was my fault because I turn it off with my foot, ok I get what he was saying. I find it hard to bend over sometimes especially at night.... Anyway, not the point...

I digress...

This is what tipped me over the edge he said:

"You really don't care do you?"

I looked shocked at him, wondering where that came from, he said:

"No but it's true, isn't it, you really don't care?"

I said "Yes, of course I care!" *internally rolling my eyes* 

I was baffled. There was no yelling or anything, it was a quiet discussion, but very frank. I was annoyed and I don't do confrontation, I just said:

"Riiight whatever, I'm going to bed then...."

God I hate going to bed like that, it's no fun for anyone. He was out there watching the Tennis while I balled my eyes out wondering what the FUCK that was all about?

  • Where did it come from?
  • Was he meaning that I don't care about HIM or the PS?
  • Was there a deeper message in this?
  • Why did he say I didn't care? Care about his things? Care about him? Care about US??

OMG! My head was full of shitty negative thoughts and feelings. I felt terrible and questioned so much of my behaviour. I back tracked almost daily over the last year. What had I done wrong and balled even more to the point I couldn't even breathe out of my nose. I used the sleeve on my top to wipe it (come on I know you have done that too!) it's gross, but it was either do that or go out and get a tissue. He was still up drinking, so I didn't want to reason with a drunk person.

Going back to the gifts he got from work, as soon as he show'd me the alcohol my heart sank. I was hoping that after Christmas he would take a break from the bottle you know? Then this, they give him LITRES of the stuff.

Hey, I am all for celebrating things, even with a bubbly, but for me it is all about moderation, responsibility and I don't like to be drinking when I still have to get up to the kids and the dog. Frankly, having a hangover sucks and I just don't like it! So I have a few glasses and that's about me done really. Not like the good'ole days! I'm not a hypocrite, I have done my fair share of drinking but when it comes to having a family, there are certain lifestyle changes you need to be consider of and change.

11:00pm

So basically Hubby binge drank through the afternoon to the night. As soon as he came to bed, which was about 11pm, I got out of bed and grabbed a small throw blanket from Bam Bam's room and laid on the lounge trying to blow my nose to breathe better and lay down to sleep.

4:00am

I am woken up by Hubby, with his face in my face telling me to come back to bed now, he said he was so sorry for what he said, it was "10% truth 90% alcohol and I'm going to give it up, he clearly doesn't agree with me and I'm sorry".

I just listened, not saying a word, still wrapped up in my blanky.

He said he can't sleep when I'm not there, or when I am there, but wants me to come to bed now. So I get up and he hugs me tight and kisses my forehead and says sorry again.

Like Bob Marley says:

{ Inspiring Quote } "Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright." Bob Marley Photo: Heather James, Inspiring Mums® Location: Mornington Peninsula Beach Huts

{ Inspiring Quote } "Don't worry about a thing, every little thing is gonna be alright." Bob Marley Photo: Heather James, Inspiring Mums® Location: Mornington Peninsula Beach Huts

It will be alright... BUT what I want to say for you and your family is this... I grew up with an alcoholic father and it has costs associated that don't just impact the family grocery bill. It impacts the emotional, energy and physical parts of the family dynamic.

I will share what I have noticed to help you identify changes in those in your family who drink:

  • Increased emotional behaviour including anger and sadness (depression), short temper, easily frustrated.
  • Physical changes, bloating or distended belly, red blotchy skin, more tired looking, lethargy, general feeling of unwell, increased appetite (binging) or even the opposite a major decrease in meals.
  • Dependence on drinking to relax, feel better or wind down.
  • Lack of motivation to do anything
  • Anxiety, panic attacks, confusion and irrational thinking (paranoia)
  • Withdrawing from family fun, activity, discussions, play, routine
  • Reduced or lack of support around the home
  • Blaming others for things in life in general (ie. my dad used to blame us for him being single)

Please know, these are my own observations, I am not a doctor, or a specialist in this field, please understand I am in a home with someone who drinks and lived with an alcoholic and I guess that's the best study you can have, first hand experience.

And the happy ending is...

So the outcomes of this happening are in fact very positive, in my view. Hubby is going to give up drinking, which will really help him in so many ways and US as a family of course.

We will save money on the expense of it!

He will reduce is anxiety levels so he can function better in every situation he's in, especially his new role.

We will have an improved home life, we won't be walking on eggshells or wondering if we are upsetting the applecart by just turning something off a different way.

We will have more open communication about how we feel, what's on our mind and there won't be this "elephant" in the room called "alcohol" we won't be skirting around the topic!

At the end of the day, as the heading suggests, alcohol and families are a recipe for disaster because it puts a barrier between reality and the blurred reality created by alcohol. It unsettles the household, it gets put first, it can create physical and mental pain, not just on the person in charge of the drinking but on those around. 

And there's what the kids see... they see and learn the behaviour, the words, the actions, the reactions, the fear, the anxiety, the pain and worry. Is it worth it?

Remember, I did say I'm not against alcohol and I'm not, on its own it's fine, it's when it gets put into the hands of someone that has already lost the ability to make responsible decisions about using it. It's addictive and destructive in the hands of those who abuse it, then abuse others.

While my example of being upset may seem minor, I am glad because it means there was no domestic violence, no physical pain inflicted to recover from and there was an apology in the end. Today, we have been happy family again, walking, talking and having fun, as we usually do.

I really believe when Bob Marley says every little thing is gonna be alright, it's gonna be allllright.

And that's how the Inspiring family overcome hurdles like this. No one is perfect, certainly not me, not my hubby, not anyone I know. While I feel extremely vulnerable sharing this post with you, I know that it is an important topic to cover for you, for me and for those you know.

I am so glad I managed to get this post done, and apologies for being so late and long winded, but I do hope you get the message here in that alcohol is fine, in moderation, in celebration, used with responsibility and respect for others in mind. When it's abused, it's not the abuser that is only hurt, it's others as well maybe your family.

It's time for me to snuggle my man, whom I am very proud of for "manning up" this morning, by identifying his weakness, knowing how to improve it and being able to verbalise that to me because he loves me and respects our family. Now he perfect ;) just kidding. I wish more men were like this. It's important to know when you are wrong or where you need to improve... I am sure he has a list on me somewhere stashed away! LOL

Thanks for visiting and I hope you have found this enlightening, helpful and real!

Nightie night!

xx Heather


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